By all means drop them off at the doctor's if you're concerned a good way of sussing out their hypochondriac tendencies but don't fall for it as a means to staying to do their bidding. Controlling people are very manipulative , whatever the reason behind their need to control. They will not like it when you try to stand up for yourself about something that is important to you. Always try to stay calm in conflicted conversations and do not lose your cool. Keep in mind that they probably will because you are challenging their control.
End conversations immediately —— if they start to get verbally violent —— either by leaving or saying goodbye and hanging up the phone. You know that this person has controlling needs but you don't need to turn them into an accomplice in "fix the controller". Not only can you never "fix" another person unless they're willing to change, explaining yourself will only bring about more manipulation. Be trustworthy fair and honest but keep your views closed away from this fact twisting, web spinning manipulator.
The controller often wants to obligate you to volunteer personal information or to answer to questions on minor issues that seem to be fishing for your bad experiences, weaknesses or failings. They may be a controlling person.
Decide to distance yourself. You may even decide to cut them out of your life, but this can be impossible if they're family, a loved one or a work colleague. Some coping approaches include: Keeping all interactions short and sweet. Avoid mingling, fusing and confusing individual rights and choices, or unreasonably fostering their tendency to exert control over you. This person wants to finesse or direct your decisions away from your own desires for educational, lifestyle, career objectives, etc.
By not accepting and appreciating your points of view unless you agree completely, they deny your personhood. Turn this around by simply stating that you appreciate their input but that this is how things are going to be for you. Go ahead and do or be the things that represent you.
Have compassionate detachment. They're not yours and you don't need to and don't deserve to shoulder their burden. It is the role of every human being to learn how to make our better sides shine forth and excusing someone's controlling behavior because they've had a rough life or whatever else simply continues enabling what is essentially very bad behavior that is hurting them as much as it is hurting you.
Through compassionate detachment, you can care about them as a person without involving your own emotions and staying entangled in their web. When you are compassionately detached, you care about the person, but you recognize that their behavior is wrong and you cannot condone it. You do not support their behavior or allow it to continue in your life.
If you are able to be more free and open with me, we can continue to be friends. However, you will also learn it with practice and the more you practice detachment, the more you will discover freedom and will learn how to let others be without seeking to rescue, save or prop them up.
Although it's not easy, it's easier than being an emotional slave to someone else all your life. Did you know you can get expert answers for this article? Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow. Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 3. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. By using this service, some information may be shared with YouTube. If you are a strong, secure person, you may over time start to feel a bit weird about how you can never be correct in much of anything around this person, especially if it is a topic that the person feels confident of knowing.
Listen to these feelings; they are there to guide you. If you don't listen to them now, in a decade or so you might be a former shadow of the person you were supposed to become. Don't let that happen to you. Helpful 20 Not Helpful 1. A controlling person in a powerful position may use others in an attempt to control you by proxy. They might get others to ask you how you feel about them.
You just sense that something isn't right. Do not get drawn into specific conversations with a third party if you suspect they are being used for this purpose, stick to platitudes and generalisations. Helpful 7 Not Helpful 0. Try not to allow a controlling person to corner you, or make you feel helpless. No matter how bad your financial situation or life may become if you leave them, the quality of your life will be worth the cost! If you are being isolated or pushed into spending time with only "their" family and friends, that can show a lack of respect for your feelings or wants.
Helpful 12 Not Helpful 2. Real dependence attracts codependents. If you are disabled or have chronic financial trouble or other major life problems that need help, you will almost inevitably wind up depending on some controlling people for survival needs. Disentangling yourself from them if they are in charge of your benefits or medical care can take a lot of work.
Document everything and seek the same services or assistance from healthier people. In at least some places a service like Adult Protective Services can intervene when social service workers, medical people or home care workers are controlling and limiting your life beyond what your original problems cause. Helpful 8 Not Helpful 1.
Never give controlling people any of your odd experiences nor deep or angry thoughts because they can be used against you, to control you. Such thoughts would most likely be used to get you isolated from others, getting people to not like or trust you. Whether saying things in your presence or talking behind your back, the controller probably wants you cornered -- to pull your strings as if you're a puppet -- to get to be your only "friend" your "master mind" , as your puppeteer.
Helpful 9 Not Helpful 2. Remember you can't control other people, but you can control your conscious reaction to them. Make sure you are handling things in a way you believe in but not just responding to them in the way they respond to you, to try to get through to them or get them back. It will get you nowhere. Helpful 1 Not Helpful 1. Disability should be taken into account. Some disabled people may always change their plans or be unable to keep up with things you want to do.
All of these are clear red flags that the behavior has turned into coercive control , a form of domestic violence. Feeling free to be yourself is one of the most important aspects of your identity and self-worth.
No romantic relationship, friendship, or working relationship should make you feel small or unsafe. Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. Find her at cindylamothe. Dealing with toxic people can take a toll on your well-being. Learn how to different scenarios while protecting yourself. The idea of toxic relationships gets thrown around a lot, but what actually makes a relationship toxic?
Learn how to recognize the signs and build a…. Battered woman syndrome is a serious mental health condition resulting from serious domestic abuse. Learn about its symptoms and how to get help. Personality disorders are a group of mental health conditions that are characterized by inflexible and atypical patterns of thinking, feeling, and…. People with passive-aggressive behavior express their negative feelings subtly through their actions instead of handling them directly.
Read on to…. Don't do that. As we go through life we'll deal with many types of people. A critical life skill for us to develop is the skill of managing our relationships. We are learning how to say "It sounds like you have found an approach that works for you. I do it differently, but thank you so much for your help! Don't expect a controlling person to take your brush-off with good humor, however. Folks who need to control other people don't just want to give advice -- they expect you to take their advice, too!
I had a very bossy friend when I was in my twenties. I only stayed friends with her because I was insecure and thought that I needed an older person's advice my friend was an old lady of 24 at the time.
If I started to describe a situation at work or a tricky social issue to my friend, she'd cut me off. Here's what you need to do about it. I was so overwhelmed by her that I wouldn't stop her to point out that the problem she had diagnosed wasn't my problem at all. She didn't want to hear that. She wanted me to pull out a notepad and pen and start taking notes.
She desperately wanted to teach me. As my mojo slowly grew I saw what my semi-friend was doing and I retreated. I spent less and less time with her until we lost touch. In retrospect it seems that my former friend needed people around her whose problems she could solve. She felt more competent as a bossy coach to others than she did dealing with her own life.
Many people have the problem of being perspective-limited. A person may try to control others through manipulation, coercion, or threats and intimidation. Someone who is controlling may want to control people close to them, such as their partner or family members. Or, they may want to gain power and control over large groups of people. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline , a person is abusive if they use behaviors force someone into doing what they want.
These behaviors can include:. In an intimate relationship, a controlling partner may :. These abusive behaviors may appear slowly, making them difficult to detect, or they may escalate suddenly after the couple has created a strong bond. Some of these behaviors may occur, for example, in friendships, family relationships, and workplace relationships.
For some people, attempting to control situations or events is a way of coping with anxiety. For example, a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder , or OCD, may need to have control over their environment or routine due to intense fears of contamination or crime.
Learn more about different types of anxiety disorder. Some personality disorders can make a person more likely to use controlling behavior. Some examples include:. Personality disorders are long-term mental health conditions. Some people with BPD make significant improvements with psychotherapy, but they may need 10 years or more of treatment before they function well in a range of relationships and at work, for example.
Abusive partners have often learned controlling behavior, and other forms of abuse, from other people. They may have grown up in an abusive household or learned from caregivers that it is their right to exert power over their partner.
In these cases, it is possible for the person to change their behaviors and attitudes.
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